Questions to ask a couples counselor in Chicago IL

Perfect date night in Chicago.

Finding a couples counselor that is a good fit for you can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack.  So many therapists are out there in Chicago and the suburbs, how do you know in that initial phone call if this one is the right one for you?  I have written about this more extensively before; in this post I want to focus in on just what to ask during your initial consultation.

Why asking questions helps you find the right fit

You might be so ready to get started in therapy that you are ready to make an appointment with the first couples counselor who has an opening.  As tempting as that is, you risk wasting the opportunity that is in front of you by signing up with couples counselor with the first available appointment. What happens if, a few sessions in, you realize that this counselor’s specialty isn’t lining up with what you need? What happens if you are happy with them but your spouse isn’t sold?  It’s difficult to start the whole process of finding a therapist all over again.

Having in mind the questions you want to ask when you are on that first consultation call can help you make a better choice right from the beginning.  After all, counseling (or therapy, I use the words interchangeably) unfolds within a relationship you have with the counselor. 

Questions to ask a couples counselor in Chicago (or even the suburbs!)

What are some good questions to ask?  Here are my personal favorites:

Question #1: Have you worked with couples who were dealing with similar issues?

Do they have experience working with sexless marriage/affairs/bad arguments/growing apart/empty nest/health issues/parenting differences/addiction, or whatever issue is most pressing?  You want to know if they are comfortable and experienced with helping couples like you.

Question #2: What approaches do you use? 

You want to know if their preferred approach matches with what you had in mind. If you are not sure what they mean, ask for clarity; how they respond to you will tell you a lot about what it will be like to be in a session with them.

Question #3: What does a first session look like? 

Get a sense of how the counseling process will progress. You don’t want it to be open-ended and unclear! Hearing how they approach the work can give you confidence about the way in which it will help.

Question #4: How long will we be in counseling with you? 

You want to know how the potential couples counselor sees the arc of treatment; you want to be confident that there is an endpoint and they know how to help you get there.

Question #5: What is your cancellation/rescheduling policy?  

It helps to know if their policies align with what your life looks like right now. Most therapists will give you a set time to meet each week or two; and yet you may not always be able to meet at the set time. Find out up front how this is handled.

Question #6: Do you offer virtual sessions? 

If this option matters to you, clarify this before you set up an initial appointment.

Question #7: How do you know if counseling is working? 

What is their way of measuring whether counseling is helping you out the way you want? How do they recommend you assess that for yourselves? Knowing how a potential couples counselor approaches this question helps you feel more confident about setting up that initial appointment.

What to listen for in their answers

The main thing is to notice how easy it is to talk to this person and how understood you feel when they respond. That tells you so much about what it will be like to have them as your counselor!  You want to know that they get you and that they have experience in helping clients just like you. Trust your gut and how comfortable you feel in talking to them.

I learned the hard way how important this first call can be. Years ago a woman reached out to me via email, hoping to set up a couples counseling appointment for her and her husband. I shared my availability, she picked a time that worked, and we planned to meet the following week, all of this accomplished without an actual conversation.  When the time came, she and her husband came into my office and I could sense that something was off. I started by asking them the question I always start with: “Tell me more about what brings you to counseling and how I might help?”  He said, “Well I thought we were going out to dinner….”  It turns out she had been so sure that he would not participate in counseling that she hadn’t even told him that this was where they were headed.  Needless to say, I have been having initial phone consultations with both partners in a relationship ever since!

Just remember: this initial consultation does not commit you to anything. It is your chance to get your questions answered and find out more about this couples counselor, so that you can make the best decision about getting help for your relationship.

 Author Bio

Melinda Yachnin, LCPC, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in La Grange and Chicago IL.  She specializes in couples counseling for people in long-term relationships and has been counseling couples for almost 30 years in the Chicago area.  She uses Gottman Method, Imago Therapy, EFT and RLT in her work with couples so that couples can access the practical skills in everyday life and the deeper currents that can transform their relationships.  She has been married for 25 years and raised three children with her husband, a perspective that has enhanced her commitment to helping couples navigate the many stages of a life together.