Finding the right couples counselor in the Chicago area

Summers in Chicagoland can be amazing! So many fun things to do, so many people out and about; even when a summer has the crazy weather we have been experiencing this year, it can still restore your energy and optimism to live here when it’s summertime.

And yet it can be so difficult, no matter where you live or what season it is, if your marriage is struggling.  When you feel alone in your marriage or keep having the same awful fights, it is not enough to just try to get out more or set up a date night.  If you’ve been searching for a couples counselor in Chicago or the suburbs, you already know hard it can be to wade through all the profiles and possibilities to figure out who can help you.  My goal here is to make that search for a good therapist a little easier and help you feel more confident that you can find the support you need.

Why finding the right couples counselor matters

There is so much advice out there about how to make your marriage work.  Lots of research, lots of podcasts, lots of people posting tips on how to communicate, how to connect, how not to fight, you name it.  You even have your own wisdom to draw from, your own experience to mine for ways to improve your relationship. 

It is not that there is a shortage of ideas on how to have a happy marriage.  It’s just that knowing all of that has not helped you in your own relationship.  You promise yourself each morning, today I will not react when he does or says the things that drive me crazy, but by evening all your best intentions have not been enough to stop the fight that happens again.  You finally decide it is time to try couples counseling, and almost immediately you feel overwhelmed by where to even start the process of finding a good couples counselor (or therapist, I use the two terms interchangeably).  You don’t want to waste your time or money on someone who can’t but how do you figure out who to call?!

Finding a couples counselor who is a good fit is crucial to get you the help you need. Finding a couples counselor who is a good fit for both of you is even more important and more complicated than if it were just for yourself.  Where do you begin? What does it mean to find the right therapist?

The right therapist for you is someone you feel comfortable talking to, someone who really understands what you are going through.  You want them to have expertise in working with couples, of course, and to have experience working with issues just like yours.  Beyond that, you need to think about what matters most to you, and to your spouse:  do you want someone who values and understands your diverse background, values or beliefs? Do you prefer someone who is more practically-minded or someone who might go deeper into family-of-origin issues?  Having a sense of what is important to you can help when it comes time to reach out.

Different kinds of couples counselors in Chicago

The good news is that there are a lot of excellent couples therapists in the Chicago area.  When you search for “couples counselor in Chicago,” you’ll notice lots of different letters after the names of the counselors you come across.  Here is a brief description of what you might see and what it means for you:

LCPC: LCPC stands for Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. This describes a clinician with a Master’s Degree in Counseling or Psychology who has taken the exams, and completed over 3000 hours of clinically-supervised counseling, which is required by the state of Illinois to practice as a couples counselor. 

LCSW:  LCSW stands for Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has similar credentialing requirements as LCPCs in Illinois.  An LCSW can provide counseling as well as connecting you with other resources that may support your marriage.

Psychologists: These therapists will have earned a PhD or a PsyD and can do psychological testing as well as couples counseling.

LPC or LSW: Someone with these letters after their name has earned their Master’s degree but not yet accrued enough clinical supervision to sit for their LCPC or LCSW exams. They can perform couples counseling but it would need to be under the supervision of a qualified therapist.

A word about coaches:  Coaches are not able to provide therapy or counseling. Nor is their industry regulated the way that counselors, psychologists or social workers are.  Therapists (whatever their credential) have to meet continuing education and supervision demands and have ethics codes they are required to follow.

Any of these licenses are trained in providing therapy, although the specific training required for being an effective couples counselor is not generally required for licensure, so you would need to find out more about the ongoing training the couples counselor you are meeting with has.  I am an LCPC who specializes in relationships and couples counseling.  This means that in addition to my Master’s in Counseling, I have also done post-graduate training in RLT, EFT, Gottman levels 1 and 2 (more on these later) and am a certified sex therapist as well.

While the training paths might be different, what matters most is that you feel comfortable with the couples counselor with whom you meet!  Look beyond the letters after their name and you might find the specialized training they have done that fits with what you are looking for.

What couples counseling approaches work the best?

Here are my top 4 recommendations:

Gottman Method:  Dr. John Gottman is the quintessential researcher into what is actually happening in happy marriages. He has been researching couples since the 1970s at his “love laboratory” in Washington; tens of thousands of couples have been examined through his research, and out of all that data he has developed the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Many couples counselors have completed training in this method as it has become more and more popular in the 2000s.  The Gottman Method emphasizes behavioral changes you can make in your day-to-day interactions that increase connection and reduce toxic conflict patterns over time.  If you are interested in a practical approach to counseling, one with homework assignments and conversation starters, a couples counselor specializing in this method may be a good fit for you.

EFT (Emotionally-Focused Therapy):  This method for treating couples was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson as a way to get to the deeper layers of a couple’s disconnect and conflict.  It draws from attachment theory and comes out of a more humanistic approach to counseling.  EFT is especially helpful at unlocking the patterns of conflict and communication that can be so destructive even as they seem hard to avoid.  For couples who have been together a long time, EFT can be enormously helpful at helping you both understand what is going on and what else you can do in your most triggered moments.

RLT (Relational Life Therapy):  RLT was developed by Terry Real and is highly effective for couples with profound levels of conflict or disconnect.  Built upon family systems and feminist theories, it challenges the paradigms we bring unconsciously into our relationships so that we can get past them and create a safer, more intimate connection. RLT sessions are often longer than typical couples counseling sessions.

Imago Therapy: Originally developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy is based on the idea that we are imprinted in our childhoods with what it means to be loved, for better or worse, and we project that imprint onto our spouse.  This method helps couples understand why they react to each other the way they do and then rewrite the script so they aren’t locked in the past.  Most couples benefit from understanding more about how they’ve been impacted by their families so that they can untangle what is happening now from what happened then. In my own work with couples over the years, I have found that each of these approaches can be helpful for couples who are struggling. For me the key is to adapt which method makes more sense for each couple, and often it’s a combination that works the best.

Practical tips for choosing a couples counselor in Chicago

Years ago I was on the sidelines of our 8-year old’s soccer game in the suburbs of Chicago, and a mom I knew approached me and asked if she could talk with me privately. She opened up then about how much she and her husband were struggling and wondered if I knew of any good couples counselors to recommend.  I gave her a name and then gave her some tips as well, because the person I think might be a good fit won’t necessarily turn out to be and I wanted her above all to find the help she was looking for. Here are my top five tips for finding a good couples counselor:

1.     Decide if you plan on using your insurance to cover sessions or are willing to pay out-of-pocket.  You don’t want to waste time getting connected to a therapist who is not in your network!

2.    Decide where you want to meet and how far you are willing to go for sessions. If you prefer to meet virtually, or somewhere near your home or office, limit your search to counselors in that area or who have a hipaa-compliant video platform like doxy.me.

3.    PsychologyToday has a great “Find a Therapist” tool, which allows you to input your zipcode and insurance preferences so you only have to navigate a shorter list of therapists. Their profiles have lots of information about therapists so you can get a pretty good sense of them before making a call.

4.    Always have an initial phone consultation before you make an appointment! Most couples counselors in the Chicago area offer a free phone consultation so you can make an informed decision. You should find it easy to talk with this person; trust your gut!

5.    I highly recommend that you and your spouse have separate phone consultations instead of trying to talk to the potential couples counselor together. You each want to be sure you feel comfortable talking with the therapist before you decide to set up sessions.

Taking the first step towards getting support

It can be so lonely to be in a marriage where you feel disconnected or stuck in the same arguments.  The fact that you are reading this now says you are ready to try something new.  Couples counseling is an ideal way to get the focused support that will make the difference in your relationship.

Make today the day you reach out to get some help.

Author Bio:

Melinda Yachnin, LCPC, is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in La Grange and Chicago IL.  She specializes in couples counseling for people in long-term relationships and has been counseling couples for almost 30 years in the Chicago area.  She uses Gottman Method, Imago Therapy, EFT and RLT in her work with couples so that couples can access the practical skills in everyday life and the deeper currents that can transform their relationships.  She has been married for 25 years and raised three children with her husband, a perspective that has enhanced her commitment to helping couples navigate the many stages of a life together.